When we were younger and our parents got on our nerves and we were too young to play with our siblings/cousins we relied on our friends. There was no such thing as too many friends for us. The more the merrier. When one friend was busy or couldn't talk on the phone or come out and play, we called another. Little things didn't matter to us like whether our friends really liked us at all, or talked about us behind our back. It didn't matter if we didn't have that much in common, or if they weren't reliable or trustworthy or loyal. As long as they could come out and play hide and go seek, red light, green light and Rock n Robin- it didn't matter.
As we got older and entered high school we focused more on finding and keeping friends of value. Trust and loyalty were vital for sharing secrets, and having things in common could make or break a friendship.
And as we exited high school and entered college we were informed that the friends we once confided in when our boyfriend was being a asshole, or the friends we would spend Saturday night with at the mall gossiping, shopping with and boy scouting with would fade to black and dissolve as we would be too busy.
But what happens when those friends who you considered to be family betray you? What happens when the things you used to have in common shrink in great number? What happens when you are in a relationship with a friend that you are unhappy with? How do you break up with a friend??
Some people like to roll with a big crowd. I am not one of those people. I like to keep a small but sincere group around me. So you could imagine how it felt for me when one of my older friends of almost ten years was no longer a friend to me.
When the guy I had liked brought one of my enemies as his date for prom, she was there to hold me back from killing them and then there to help me take my mind off of the situation. When I was in college and up at 3 am having another meltdown over a stupid boy she was there to talk some sense into me-and ready to kill them.
And then, just like that, something changed. It was quick and swift and took me by surprise and at first I didn't realize it, but the dynamic changed. As I began to spend day in and day out with her I noticed things. At first I thought it was the relationship she was in that changed her (and thankfully she broke up with him) but after their relationship ended her actions didn't change. She was more selfish, she didn't take into account my time or my feelings. All she wanted to talk about had to do with herself. Her lifestyle was different. She was into drinking and partying more than anything and I wasn't. The way she acted was different. And she didn't support me. It was like a big slap in the face time and time again.
I couldn't understand how this was the same person I remember confiding and laughing with two years ago. And I had tried to give her chance after chance and she had let me down.
And then finally, I was fed up. I couldn't take it anymore- I had just graduated college, I had given her two years and several chances and I couldn't risk giving her another one only to be slapped in the face once again. I knew I didn't deserve it no matter how long and close we had been four years ago. She wasn't the same person I had come to know and it soon came down to me thinking about when we pick friends when we are little.
As I said before when we are little, none of those things we look for in friends as adults matter. As long as they can come out play all is well in play land. But I wasn't seven and this wasn't play land I was twenty two and ready to move on. So I did. I had to. I felt horrible giving her the cold shoulder and pulling away but I couldn't take it anymore. Because here is the thing, once you find friends who you can trust in and play with, you don't need the others. You out grow them, they don't fit into your life anymore and that's alright.
I'm learning that as an adult you have the choice to be friends with someone. You have that power and just as you have the power to have them in your life, you have the option to not have them in your life and there is nothing wrong with that.
I no longer really talk to the girl, maybe an awkward moment here and there. As far as how it did end- well that's for another entry later ;-). But until then I am enjoying the other friends I have in my life (SHOUT OUT HOMIE!! haha) and can only take this as another lesson learned.